Into-me-see

Part 2: The List of 12 Things

In healthy attachment-based dating both partners take turns planning dates each month. Generally, one spouse will plan the first Saturday of the month and the other the third. Date planning is made risk proof by creating a “List of 12 things” each January. This is always one of the most creative and fun ways to plan for each other where spouses can experience being loved in a very practical way.

The “List of 12 things” is simply 12 things that you want the other to plan for you on date night. Because it is an inventory of things your spouse has asked you to plan for them it reduces the terror of being criticized for planning lame dates…. you actually have a cheat sheet in front of you that your lover has asked for. As I watched couples implement this process together, I made a few adjustments to streamline the process. Guys can only have 2 things on their list that are sexual in nature and girls can only have two things on their list that are over $100!

Most couple report that they find themselves looking forward to receiving their partner’s List of 12 Things – almost like a second Christmas!

Here are a few examples of a well-constructed List of 12 things.

Husband/Partner #1:

1. Plan a video game night for us and then let’s GAME together so you can understand why it recharges me.
2. Take me to dinner at that new Mongolian restaurant down the street.
3. Plan a male spa night for me…manicure, pedicure, massage and then lovemaking!
4. Go to an NBA game with Dan & Linda
5. Take me to see the new Indiana Jones movie…lots of popcorn with peanut M&M’s mixed in.
6. Plan a “Blackout Weekend” for us…we get to pretend to have no electrical power and use only candlelight, camp stove in the kitchen, read parts of some of our favorite books to each other, and NO cell phones. (Bonus points for including the kids in the weekend!)
7. Plan a romantic scavenger weekend where you provide clues for me to find you at either a romantic restaurant or a hotel room and spend the weekend making love and flirting.
8. Road trip! Pick one of my favorite destinations and then rent us a totally impractical sports car for the trip!
9. Invite several of my favorite couple friends over for a home video night with several of my favorite movies.
10. Read or listen to a book on great marriages together and apply the concepts throughout the year.
11. Take me to a Reggae concert!
12. Surprise me with dance lessons!

Wife/Partner #2:

1. Plan a “Wait Until Dark” game night and invite several couples to join us playing couples hide and go seek in total darkness. And don’t forget the 6 sets of headlamps we have in the garage.
2. Take me to an Andrea Bocelli concert – if he is not touring in the US set up lawn chairs in the living room and rent “Andrea Boceelli: Live in Tuscany” for us to watch.
3. Let’s relive our honeymoon! Take me back to Bora Bora
4. Take me to the nearest Gem Show and buy me something that I love!
5. Buy me a puppy! (You know what I want)
6. Teach me how to frame a house – and then work with me to convert the old garage into a Mom -in – love apartment for my mom
7. Take me parking! Extra points for going back to the real places we used to make out before we got married
8. Watch “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”, “Revenge of the Pink Panther” and “Ghost” with me all in one weekend!
9. Give me a punch card of your amazing back rubs – and make love to me after half of them
10. You cook! (or door dash) once a week for a year
11. Salsa lessons! Let’s actually learn a sexy dance and get REALLY good at it!
12. Plan a weekend get away with my sister and her husband and both of us make a real effort to get closer to them

Guidelines:
• Make a real effort to schedule one of these each month on your date night (John: first Sat. of each month, Shari: 3rd Sat. of each month
• Make a goal of completing all 12 within the calendar year. If you decide not to use one of these requests, tell your spouse and have a conversation about why not.
• Practice gratitude! Appreciate your spouse’s effort to meet your expectations when they try to plan your requests.
• Remember to use the lovers breakfast time to schedule date nights.