Holiday – and life disappointment

Today is the day after Christmas. I know you are probably waking up to piles of torn and shredded wrapping paper spread all over your living room. Your Christmas tree is probably listing to the left a bit after Uncle Fred stumbled into it yesterday just before dinner. All of the presents you spent so many hours acquiring… And perseverating over how they would be received, are now in the custody of the recipient. They are, either placed lovingly in a drawer that will prepare them for use at just the right time, or in pile in the guest closet, preparing them to be regifted.

But I would wager that there is one thing lingering in the air unnoticed, like the burned roast picked at politely at dinner yesterday. That thing is… Disappointment.

Everybody has it. To one extent or another it drains us of strength and distorts our perception of reality. Like tracking a murderer from a sloppy crime scene, it’s not hard to identify the suspect. It’s expectations.

Our expectations hack away at the beautiful joy we approach not only holidays, but every aspect of life. They slay our freedom of living spontaneously and wipe the blood of serendipity and surprise on their coat sleeve.

The disappointment of one more Christmas without a phone call from an adult child is connected to the expectation that good parents are never rejected by their children. And once the grappling parent steps back, and consciously evaluates their expectation, they see that it is riddled with bullet holes.

Hundreds of thousands of good parents find themselves either temporarily or chronically alienated from adult children they love deeply. There are all kinds of reasons, but very few of them have anything to do with the fact that the disappointed parent was a failure.

You can use this process in 1000 other very helpful ways. Self-loathing cooks can take their disappointment over that well done roast and let go of the expectation that culinary perfection is possible when you’re trying to pull Uncle Fred out of the Christmas tree. Disappointment over the contentious political discussion that erupted at halftime of the football game; turns into healthy chuckling when realizing you really have no control over your youngest daughter’s very conservative political beliefs.

Disappointment… Step back… Evaluate your expectation… Let go of the judgment, Love yourself!

It works every time, and it makes holidays, and every day, days of freedom and joy. I’d love to hear your reaction to these thoughts…