Telling v.s. Experiencing

My thesis: Telling, here regarded similarly as teaching, lecturing, debating, or sermonizing in order to make a point or to show a person the error of their ways is not effective or in the subject’s best interests. AND allowing the person involved to discover the error of their ways themselves is significantly better.

Of course, this does not apply to toddlers with loaded firearms in their possession or even teens when the house is on fire. If you are seeking to provide direction for a teenager, I would encourage you to contact a professional before you operate the machinery. Seek out the very best parent you can locate and sit at their feet! But generally speaking, allowing an individual to discover lessons on their own, or perhaps, with some highly evolved guidance that I will discuss in future paragraphs, is significantly more desirable.

One of my mantras that I believe applies to just about every humanoid living the gloriously human condition, that I have encountered is this, “People don’t resist change, they resist being changed. ” Think back on the last time you were lectured about something that someone wanted you to, believe, vote, for, change, or marry; how did you respond? Very often, especially if the individual on the other side of the phone is your spouse, your response will be “get off me “.

Now, if the person who is doing the telling is your boss, you may take a more passive aggressive stance on the issue, but you’re still going to resist. If you’re one of those people who simply can’t restrain themselves from a good lecture, I encourage you to evaluate what this need is costing you. Very often that person… Here I’m referring to the lecturer; may not realize that people near and dear to them maybe slowly but surely distancing from them. Or, they could be obligingly nodding their heads in fake agreement until you are distracted, enabling them to flee the area. I refer to this as the Telemarketer Syndrome. Now I’m not disparaging telemarketers, but none of the people I hang with (generally a fairly normal cross section of humanity) , enthusiastically answer the phone and when they recognize that distinctly telemarketer offer, clear their schedule so that they won’t miss one word of the conversation over the next two or three hours.

Here is a much, much better plan… And more effective approach. Ask, hang with me now, ask if the person you’re seeking to persuade, would like some input. You can save a tremendous amount of emotional and physical energy by simply asking. And if the person you are attempting to control or direct, is either a teen teenager who possesses any of your DNA or a spouse that you seek to be intimate with at any point in your future, ask yourself this question. “Is my current strategy effective?” When was the last time that person came to you and thanked you for taking the wheel in their life and encourage you to keep doing it?

I firmly believe that the most rewarding and enjoyable moments for either a spouse or parent, is to witness that look of complete disorientation when you do something they are not expecting. When you zig when they are expecting you to zag. You then have changed the script that you have been using since the dawn of time, and that dear person before you doesn’t know what to say, for the first time in their lives. You have a moment of opportunity before you… Don’t waste it.

I would love to hear your thoughts or reaction to what I’ve shared with you!

I really would!

Lance