Three aspects of your relationship that lead to great sexual intimacy – Part 2

Sex is one of the weirdest things we will ever experience in life. It is about so many things all at once! If it was just about procreation we would have sex two or three times during our life and then call it good. But like most mammals, we have discovered that it feels good AND is fun! Sex also creates a bond between two people that helps hold us together during hard times. When we experience “good sex”, our brains release oxytocin and other fun brain hormones that make us more of an “us”.

So, because the goal of sex seems to be partly creating this essential “useness” we agreed part 1 in our list of 3 aspects of your relationship that lead to great sexual intimacy, was to focus on the other’s needs more than ours. Then Part 2 would be… Seeing having sex as an expression, not an experience.

Let me explain what I mean by that. I see an “experience” , in this case, as something where the primary focus is my pleasure, or even, our experience focus primarily on technique or outcome. I would see an “expression” as an awareness of a feeling that you have throughout the sex act for the other person or , a deep sense of that you share with the person.

I don’t want to over spiritualize sex because there are times when you will be absolutely totally lost physical experience of sex. I’m talking about the primary focus. I have talked with many couples who have found themselves so overcome by the spiritual/emotional aspect of sex that in the middle of the sex act, they have experienced what I would call an emotional orgasm. Over and over I’ve had couples I’ve worked with who have a healthy balance of emotional/spiritual/physical sex, speak of stopping right in the middle of the act and breaking down in tears or a feeling strong, overwhelming awareness of their connection to that one special person. For those who are skeptical, I would say, try it before you knock it. You’ll know what I’m talking about.

There are times in every relationship where the quick path to an orgasm for one or both is inevitable. But if you slip into a pattern as a couple of focusing too heavily on technique or orgasm, you will eventually lose track of the emotional connection in sex.

Developing new and creative techniques that the two of you welcome into the relationship is a really healthy aspect of a healthy relationship. Just really push yourselves to also enhance the emotional spiritual aspects of the expression that sex is. This is a vital step for those who are seeking mindfulness in their lives.

I would love to hear from those of you who are reading this blog each week. This is a great place for you to leave a comment or ask you a question… You don’t even need to leave a name, just let me know you’re out there!