Three aspects of your relationship that lead to great sexual intimacy Part 3

If there is anybody out there who guessed either of the first two aspects that must be nurtured in order to have really exceptional sexual intimacy I applaud your instincts and emotional intelligence. But number three is a whole different deal. If you guess this one I’m going to let you take over writing my blog so I can ride off into the sunset.

So for the sake of review… Number one is try to focus as much as you can on your partner’s needs and desires and not on your own. Number two is seeing having sex as an expression, not an experience. And number three is… Let me pause right here and make sure that if you would like to be on the running for taking over my blog please email me at this moment at LanceBrownCreations@gmail.com and give me your guess before I complete this sentence….Number three is sensual creativity.

I want to give you a moment to chew on that phrase… Sensual creativity. What does that mean to you? Sit down and talk with your partner about what it means to you before I share my thoughts.

Now let me remind you that you and your partner are in the process of creating something completely new in the history of the world. Your relationship will have a totally unique footprint from all the other relationships that have existed. And it’s also important to realize that you get to choose. You get to choose what it looks like, how healthy and intimate it is, and how conscious the choices are that go into the design process. You really do get to choose, and I encourage you to embrace that amazing opportunity instead of simply reflexively, living out the patterns of past generations.

So how well do you know your own sexual and sensual desires and needs? This is a huge part of the process of living consciously. Take some time to try to identify those desires and needs… And I really want to encourage you to be as honest as you possibly can be as you do this. What baggage do you bring into the unique relationship? What woundedness do you carry forward?

Now I want to encourage you to think through how you want your sexual relationship to feel. How much openness and transparency can you feel comfortable with? What have you learned over the past few years about what other partners needed or wanted that you did not feel comfortable with? What did you desire that past partners did not feel comfortable with?

Now take some time together, potentially even a weekend away to do this work individually and then collectively. Create an overlay of both of your hopes and dreams. I would encourage you to choose openness as one of your primary values in this new relationship. Remember that you are brainstorming now and nothing is in concrete here, you’re just throwing things up against the wall to see if they will stick. Explore, dream, laugh, and, discover the tremendous potential your sexuality will bring into both your lives. If you see this as an active creativity that will last your entire lives , you will begin to see the tremendous potential that lays before you.

Sensual creativity can and should lead to a sexuality that is infused into every aspect of your relationship. It will bring a freshness and sense of discovery that will fill every moment of your relationship and make you better at every aspect of your life.

Let me just share with you snapshot of a couple that I worked with late in their life together. They served as a shining light and perfect example of sensual creativity fully expressed. They had laughed and loved one another through nearly six decades of life. They had a startling and refreshing openness about them that took my breath away. One of the things that they had depended on over the years was whenever possible they ended their day in their bathtub with an adult beverage. The lights were off and candles flickered around the room as they processed the highlights, and low lights of each day. Some nights it was a prelude to amazing conversation threads that lasted days, and some nights it resulted in mind blowing sex. As the years passed the mind blowing sex gave way to amazing tenderness, and soul sex. As the number of wrinkles increased the sense of being known grew and lead to a deep oneness and a joint pleading with God for one more day together.

Do some dreaming about what sensual creativity might look like for you. I think you’ll be surprised at the results.